Life# Yeah I Went There
So for those who don’t know, to put this into context, I work in a audio book recording studio.
Today one of the narrators was asking another if he had any connections at Bethesda Softworks (which is local for me). The other narrator has contacts there, so the conversation turned to auditions.
"Well, would they want character voices or my narration reel?"
“Oh, yeah, no they’d wouldn’t care about any of the stuff you do here. Definitely character voices.”
“Ok, we’ll like what kind of characters.”
“You know, something like, *scary troll vouce* I’ll grind your bones to make my stew. *creepy laughs*”
And this is where I came in…
"Actually more like … *a quiet man voice* I was an adventurer like you once, until I took an arrow to the knee."
This was met with confused stares from the narrators (who are in their 50s) but I made myself laugh and I think that’s what matters.
Death of a Sperm (not by Robin Williams, this ain’t no fucking ballet)
#HMS = Human Male Specimen
#this is how babies are made
#i wrote this for you jess
It had been only a few days since I had been assigned to the HMS Derrick, when the blip came up on the radar.
"It’s big Captain, and coming towards us."
“No sir, appears friendly. No threat of attack.”
“Raise the periscope. Let’s get eyes on that thing.”
“Aye aye, sir… it’s an island sir. Bare land, sir, no flora of any kind. The land it smooth but moist. Probably humid.”
“Captain, it’s putting off a rather high heat signature. It’s emanating from a central location and our topographic charts show that area to be the mouth of a cavern. What should we do Captain?”
“Prepare to dive. We’re going in.”
WOoomp wooommmppp wooommmppp
"Captain our tracking system and radar are down!"
“Do we still have eyes?”
“Aye sir, the cavern is dark and a bit tight for the ship and the lens keeps fogging… they have it. THEY HAVE IT, CAPTAIN!”
“Battle stations everyone.”
Jones and I were left behind to steer us home once the boys had completed their mission. The bridge, the hull, even the two engine rooms were frantic with energy. Seamen putting on their helmets and piling into the torpedo cannons. When all the men were in place, Jones and I fired the payload. It would only take one of those brave lads to break through the enemy barrier and implant the virus, but none of those boys were coming home with Jones and me. After Jones confirmed a direct hit via the periscope, we made our way back out of that cavern, praying all the way for one of those boys to make it.
9 months later, I get word from Jones right before I’m about to deploy again that Object Abigail succeeded. The virus implanted no problem. Knowing we did it would make donning the helmet and blasting out off those cannons and ending my life with a bang worth it.
I wrote this for you Jess, be proud.
i just realized you, marg, and i are totally the powerpuff girls
Blossom (you), Buttercup (Mars), Bubbles (me)? I’m ok with this.
PS, I can’t stop thinking about how penises are man periscopes and it’s been amusing me all evening. Like the sperm are the submariners and up periscope he’s got a boner and then LAND HO the underwater cavern is guarded by friendlies DIVE DIVE DIVE and then like in a silly circus the higher ranking sperm put on crash helmets and pile into the torpedo launchers and AWAY they go to bomb the egg… and Jess, that’s how babies are made.
#man of steel
HOLY FREAKING HACKING CRAP GAL GADOT IS PLAYING WONDER WOMAN IN THE NEW SUPERMAN/BATMAN MOVIE.
Warner Bros. has officially announced that Gal Gadot has landed ONE of the female leads in Zack Snyder’s still untitled Batman vs. Superman themed sequel to Man Of Steel..and that role is indeed, Wonder Woman! We don’t have a whole lot more on this for now, but here are some quotes from Snyder:
“Wonder Woman is arguably one of the most powerful female characters of all time and a fan favorite in the DC Universe. Not only is Gal an amazing actress, but she also has that magical quality that makes her perfect for the role. We look forward to audiences discovering Gal in the first feature film incarnation of this beloved character.”
Gadot is relatively inexperienced, having appeared as Gisele in some of the Fast & Furious movies as well as Knight & Day.
I am personally just excited that there is going to be a Wonder Woman coming up in the movies. Finally.
Please for the love of god let her get some serious muscle
I definitely think she needs to bulk up but I was informed girl was in the Israeli army. Pretty sure we’re good.
Baby talons… Tasteful talons? … Shaping them took quite a bit of length off my nails, so I’ll just keep shaping as they grow until they are a good (not too long) length.
Sorry about the shit pictures.
OPI Spiderman Collection: Just Spotted the Lizard